I used to have this habit of "assigning" Pink Floyd songs to the important men in my life as a way of keeping them close and compartmentalized. Being an organized control freak, it was important to me that I had a place for each of them. The songs would either describe them or the way I felt about them, or my relationships with them. Us and Them for the guy with whom I would always try to make it work, but it never did. Wish You Were Here, for the friend who made a life choice that was very difficult for me to accept. Time, for the guy who was stuck in a rut, who wanted to escape but didn't think he could. And of course, Comfortably Numb... the sexiest Pink Floyd song. Period. This one was for the guy who didn't know how much I loved PF and tried (successfully) to seduce me with their music...
I have nice memories of those people when I hear any of those songs, and it's always lovely. However, associating music with a person in your life can backfire... and it is for that reason, and that reason alone, why I can no longer listen to Neil Young.
Neil Young, you ask? You may be thinking... "Renee, you love Neil Young, how could you forsake him in this cruel manner?" The truth is, I made the mistake of going way beyond investing myself in a guy... I invested my music.
I think too many people make that mistake. They say, "I'm in love with this person, I want to think of them every time I hear one of my favorite songs... I am going to make it "our song"." KISS OF DEATH!!! They say time heals all wounds, and I suppose that's true, but will time ever give you back your songs? Your music? Doubtful... like our sense of smell will instantly bring a memory back, music can take you back... but unlike smells, music is a cathartic outlet with emotional meaning.
When we tie someone to a piece of music, they become part of that piece for a long time. When you hear the first chord of that particular song, it all comes back. Unfortunately, it's not always a good thing. I used to look for guys who liked the same kind of music as i do, but I learned somethings about myself in the process: 1. I don't care fore hippies and Bluegrass guys tend to drink too much and 2. when you have music in common and things fall apart, your broken heart and anger stay within those notes, and lyrics for way too long.
We already give so much to the people with whom we become involved, that it's not necessary to give them your music, too. Keep that for yourself, because guess what! Your music will never dump you while your standing in a towel in your bedroom, or at the airport, or over a G-chat. it will never cheat on you or borrow your stuff without asking. Your music will love you and care for you until you're ready to move on, and it will always be there when you are ready to come back.
So, while I made that mistake and lost Neil Young for a while, I know I can come back to him whenever I want. Just as soon as the sound of his voice stops making me sick to my stomach.
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