Art Imitates Life Imitates Art

A few years ago, in my second year of graduate school I met a boy. He was tall, built like a swimmer, with a beautiful smile, and perfect blue eyes. It's funny, because I didn't notice any of these features at first... in fact... I didn't really notice them for a long time. He and I connected quickly because we were, in my estimation, intellectual equals. We had classes together, and ended up spending a lot of time together. He had a girlfriend back home, but... well, you know how that goes. and as wrong as it was, I believe we were happy and in, what I like to call, "mad friend love", even if it wen way too far.

I remember, one morning, I walked with him to the train station by my house on what would be one of the last times I would see him. I decided not to walk all the way to the station, instead, I stopped on a tree lined block, covered in pink flowers and let him go the rest of his way on his own. I turned around to make my way home, and turned on my ipod. John Coltrane's In a Sentimental Mood came on in the shuffle and I smiled. I knew him so well, that I felt him leaving me forever and when I should have been crushed, the warm breeze shaking the pink petals from the trees, and the sun light breaking through the branches mixed so perfectly with the tenor sax and "scrambled eggs" brushes on the drums completely transformed that moment from one of my trademark overly-dramatic sadness to a warm sweet memory.

and maybe it's because of my tendency to associate the men in my life with music, but now, when I smell the same warmth in the air, or In a Sentimental Mood id playing, like a lite motif, he is brought back to me and I smile. His picture is still hanging on my wall and it doesn't make me sad like the thought of someone I once cared about that walked away normally would. Instead I feel good, better for the time with him, and confident in the fact I wouldn't change a moment of our time together.

Now, of course not every guy I encounter in my life will be as important as others, and of course not every guy will be as great as others, but I hope that I can have more sweet memories, more positive experiences... and I think I am on my way. I have too often tried to hold the men in my life up on a pedistool and when they turn out not to be the people I want them to be, I get upset. Now, I am focusing on how much I like talking to someone or how they make me laugh based on who they are... not who I want them to be. Maybe that's where I went wrong with the last one, the one I still miss, the one whose voice I havent heard in weeks... but I know that I don't want to go down that road again...

so, as much as I miss my friend from Grad School, and as much as I miss the last one, and as much as I am sure I am going to miss the next one... who ever they may be... I can look back and feel warm and feel good and remember them.

but what does this have to do with music you ask?

That's simple...

Push play, close your eyes, and think about a bittersweet memory of someone you miss... and see that it has everything to do with it.